The Bish

There’s a plethora of spiders in our basement/my dungeon. I see 3-4 new spiders every week. I would name them all, but I do not name evil nor the devil. These spiders appear in many different shapes and locations. Some spiders are small, some spiders are really fucking big and I break down in tears. Seriously…spiders are really scary. Look at it this way. Is a huge black gangster holding a gun and a baseball bat scary? Yes…yes he is. But how many legs does he have? Two you say? Well a spider has 8…now picture the very same gangster with 8 fucking legs. Conclusion: The more legs; the more scary.

I’ve done a lot of spider hunting since our move in, and frankly, i’m tired of it. So instead of ignoring the spiders and getting “rid” of them as they magically appear, I decided to find the hell portal in which they protrude from. There was no hole, but there was hell. It was a hell crack. And there isn’t just one crack, there are many. I found the first portal of evil accompanied with a spider. I gently stabbed the spider in the face with a knife and it instantly hissed at me and then descended into the depths of Spidertopia. This is most likely their base of operations. Now I could have easily donned my “Plate Armor of the Gargantuan Beast”, self cast “Shrink Rank 8″, gone into the crack and battled the battle of all battles with Undead Spiders until the end of time while eventually reaching level 1 million IRL…but I’m a nice guy, so instead I taped up that and several other cracks. No magic will be needed here. I still have a lot of crack filling to do (insert gay joke here) before I can have a peaceful nights sleep.

Enough with the scary spiders…

I took Thursday off last week to go to court. I missed the original court date due the fact that I can’t not remember not well…that quadruple negative took me a bit to write…I don’t even know if it works. So court was actually alright. I wouldn’t mind going again…as long as I don’t pay fines. Tejon’s court experience was drastically different then Kiowa’s. At Kiowa you actually had to sit/stand in a courtroom for 2 hrs and have to watch/listen to everyone’s pleas and sentences. It’s fucking boring. With the above experience I was dreading the Tejon court date. Indeed I dreaded unnecessarily. First thing I noticed that was better @ Tejon was the lack of an actual courtroom. It’s just a huge fkn room with chairs. I’m down with that. Second, the walls were lined with TV’s. Third, the TVs were all playing movies. Fourth the “rights” movie you are FORCED to watch at Kiowa was optional here (optional in the fact that you could just say you saw it already aka lie). I’d say the only drawback to the entire experience was the movie choice. Mission Impossible II. I was reminded of how shitty of a movie it was, and that motorcycles can jump off of flat surfaces if your name is Tom fucking Cruise.

Last thing on the list. I suck. Flat out. I suck. Preferably balls. Black balls. Licorice flavor.

I lost my fucking keys to my fucking car. I searched high and low and found nothing…so then I just got high. I honestly have no clue where they are at. I lose shit all the time and usually shit always shows up. ALWAYS. Like I lose shit all the time but I never LOSE LOSE shit. Alright I just lied right there, I’m sure I’ve lost a lot of things. Those don’t count though…because I said so.

I called up a VW dealership to see what kind of deal I could work out to get new keys. It took me five minutes to realize I hate senseless innovation and the future. Yeah computers are cool and so is space and shit…but laser cut keys and CPU programmable cars are fucking retarded. I called them up and I was informed I would A) Need to get my car towed to their dealership B) Get my car’s CPU reprogrammed and C) Shell out 250ish bones for a new laser cut key. I’m pretty sure you don’t need a FUCKING LASER TO CUT A FUCKING KEY. O well. So I’m calling them today to get my car towed and shit. I should have keys and a mobile vehicle by Thursday hopefully. In the mean time I’ll listen to the numbers rising higher and higher on my credit card. Fuck the future….and fuck spiders…especially spiders from the future.

6:00PM Tuesday Night. Bishop was cooking a steak.

I got a call from Henry informing me that Lydia would be taking us out around 7:00PM-ish for a Melting Pot extravaganza. I’ve never had fondue before, nor did I know what the hell fondue was. I promptly told Henry I was down like syndrome. I packed up the steak and tossed it in the fridge. I would later use the steak to break my fast the next morning.

Long story short we ate fondue and it was good. Zack, Lydia, Henry, Colleen, and The Bish. 5 humans. Normally you would expect 5 humans to order 5 portions for their individual selves. This was not the case. Little did we know that a meal for 2 could feed us 5. 3 courses involving cheese, oil/fat, and chocolate was plenty fulfilling.

I burnt my face with the fucking skewer though. I now look like the Joker. Lydia burnt her fingers; so bank robbing should be one of her future endeavors.

The entire night was pretty chill, except for when Henry and I got called out on our “fake IDs”. I mean I look 12 but COME ON! After ID inspection they thought my WA ID was supspicously “thin”. They came back asking Henry and me for 2 more forms of ID and a fucking credit card. I handed her my current driver’s license and also 2 older ones. That wasn’t good enough for Mrs. I wear a crazy fucking dress. I surrendered my entire wallet. Henry actually started taking out his car registration and other random shit. It was great.

Once more and once again, I leave you with some Penny-Arcade smiles.

Alcohol can be really cool; though I’m very stupid.

Somehow I continually convince myself that drinking on an empty stomach is a marvelous plan to save money and intoxicate myself. Last nights show was pretty neat. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of “The Valley Arena” other than the good things Geoff has to say about them…ya’ know what? I likes them. I purchased an audio disk and upper torso wear. I did drink far too much. 1 Newcastle and 1 shot already had me feeling good. I couldn’t help it; I just rode the gravy train the rest of the night and was entirely too drunk before The Photo Atlas even played.

I ended up trying to go to bed around 11:30PM-ish. Not a good idea. I usually don’t get the spins when I try to sleep drunk. And I didn’t get the spins! But I had the swirls and the twirls instead. It sucked; every few momemnts it’d feel like I had to vommit. Everytime I made it to a toilet I didn’t have to anymore. I said fuck it. I Shoved my arm into my throat and let it roll. Basically I feel great this morning. I’m glad I threw up before I went to bed as opposed to right after waking up.

Lesson of the night/every other night? Eat some fucking food before you drink Bishop. Though it really doesn’t help that I haven’t bought groceries in over 3 months.

Hopefully I can leave work early. I feel ok. Just not feelin’ the work.

Penny-Arcade for you!

EDIT*** i’m totally getting off at 2:30 today.

Last night my internet was being retarded so WoW and TF2 were out of the question. I ended up cleaning my PC some. Got rid of a lot of extra shit and compiled mine and Lauren’s music together freeing up about 25 gigs. Somehow I started thinking about Ubuntu and how I should use it; it’s free so why not? I downloaded Gutsy Gibon and burned the ISO to a CD. I Ran the live version of Ubuntu for about an hour, getting a feel for it…and meh…I don’t like it? I think I’d rather just use a Litestep shell for Windows. Viruses and spyware would be a good reason to swtich to a linux based OS…but I don’t get viruses nor spyware, so fuck it.

Plus I did some research on XP gaming vs Ubuntu + WINE gaming and it’s pretty lopsided, in favor of XP+SP2.

Click the pics to expand.

Bishop thinks this Onion article was really funny.

National Science Foundation: Science Hard

INDIANAPOLIS—The National Science Foundation’s annual symposium concluded Monday, with the 1,500 scientists in attendance reaching the consensus that science is hard.
“For centuries, we have embraced the pursuit of scientific knowledge as one of the noblest and worthiest of human endeavors, one leading to the enrichment of mankind both today and for future generations,” said keynote speaker and NSF chairman Louis Farian. “However, a breakthrough discovery is challenging our long-held perceptions about our discipline—the discovery that science is really, really hard.”

“My area of expertise is the totally impossible science of particle physics,” Farian continued, “but, indeed, this newly discovered ‘Law of Difficulty’ holds true for all branches of science, from astronomy to molecular biology and everything in between.”

The science-is-hard theorem, first posited by a team of MIT professors in 1990, was slow to gain acceptance within the science community. It gathered momentum following the 1997 publication of physicist Stephen Hawking’s breakthrough paper, “Lorentz Variation And Gravitation Is Just About The Hardest Friggin’ Thing In The Known Universe.”

This weekend’s conference, featuring symposia on how hard the Earth sciences are, how confusing medical science is, and how ridiculously un-gettable quantum physics is, represented a major step forward for the science-is-hard theorem.

“We now believe that the theorem is 99.999% likely to be true, after applying these incredibly complex statistical techniques that gave me a splitting headache,” Farian said. “A theorem is like a theory, but, I don’t know, it’s different.”

Members of the scientific establishment were quick to affirm the NSF discovery.

“To be a scientist, you have to learn all this weird stuff, like how many molecules are in a proton,” University of Chicago physicist Dr. Erno Heidegger said. “While it is true that I have become an acclaimed physicist and reaped great rewards from my career, one must not lose sight of the fact that these blessings came only after studying all of this completely impossible, egghead stuff for years.”

Dr. Ahmed Zewail, a Caltech chemist whose spectroscopic studies of the transition states of chemical reactions earned him the Nobel Prize in 1999, explained in layman’s terms just how hard the discipline of chemistry is, using the periodic table of the elements as a model.

“Take the element of tungsten and work to memorize its place in the periodic table, its atomic symbol, its atomic number and weight, what it looks like, where it’s found, and its uses to humanity, if any,” Zewail said. “Now, imagine memorizing the other 100-plus elements making up the periodic table. You’d have to be, like, some kind of total brain to do that.”

As hard as chemistry and other traditional sciences may be, scientists say such newer disciplines as quantum physics are even more difficult.

“Quantum physics has always been a particularly tough branch of science,” UCLA physicist Dr. Hideki Watanabe said. “But in addition to being some of the smartest Einstein-y stuff around, it is undeniably a really stupid, pointless thing to study, something you could never actually use in the real world. This paradoxical dual state may one day lead to a new understanding of physics as a way to confuse and bore people.”

“I guess there’s cool stuff about science,” Watanabe continued, “like space travel and bombs. But that stuff is so hard, it’s honestly not even worth the effort.”

So you liked Boondock Saints? You like Boondock Saints so much you wish you were God himself so you could make people make it? Me too.

BOONDOCK SAINTS SEQUEL!

From the Rationalist International

On 3 March 2008, in a popular TV show, Sanal Edamaruku, the president of Rationalist International, challenged India’s most “powerful” tantrik (black magician) to demonstrate his powers on him. That was the beginning of an unprecedented experiment. After all his chanting of mantra (magic words) and ceremonies of tantra failed, the tantrik decided to kill Sanal Edamaruku with the “ultimate destruction ceremony” on live TV. Sanal Edamaruku agreed and sat in the altar of the black magic ritual. India TV observed skyrocketing viewership rates.Click for more

What’s really funny is that EVEN after ALL of this, this moron will still think he can perform “black magic.”

This dude prolly follows the 6 step God program.

How to beleive in the God(s)

1. First, you must want to believe in God.
2. Next, understand that believing in God in the absence of evidence is especially noble.
3. Then, realize that the human ability to believe in God in the absence of evidence might itself constitute evidence for the existence of God.
4. Now consider any need for further evidence (both in yourself and in others) to be a form of temptation, spiritually unhealthy, or a corruption of the intellect.
5. Refer to steps 2-4 as acts of “faith.”
6. Return to 2.